Post Pregnancy

Wow! I haven't written on this thing in a while!!! Well, being pregnant was a blast! I mean, not literally, but in retrospect all things sort of seem better than they were. I had a horrible first trimester, sick every day, ALL DAY! And I thought that was bad! My second trimester was a breeze and I sort of felt like myself again...with the exception of not being able to see my own vagina or feet and not being able to eat or drink whatever I wanted and....no sex whatsoever! It was definitely tolerable. My third trimester was a bit more stressful. I couldn't bend, I had trouble sleeping and the baby was putting tons of pressure on my lower regions. Thus, making simple tasks like walking one block IMPOSSIBLE! But still tolerable...

Labor and Delivery on the other hand, were a 'straight up' nightmare! How could it possibly so bad if it is such a natural part of life?! I just don't get it. My contractions were out of this world. I could barely contain myself, I was jumping up every time I could feel one coming and I would begin gyrating, doing all sorts of weird body movements and breathing in quick short huffs. The whole "yoga" breathing technique was no help in this extremely painful situation. I was timing them and when I finally got to 5 min apart for 2 hours (as per my doctor's recommendation - cause she is NUTS!!), I ran to wake my husband up and yelled "we have to get my ass to the hospital!"

I was about 4cm dilated when I got there, opted for the epidural and got it TWICE! The first doctor screwed up, she must have been a resident, she looked too young anyway...
So while my back was all screwed up and bloody, I was still feeling my contractions while hunched over waiting for the idiots to finish ruining me and then I went numb. My legs were like jello and I was told to try and get some rest while I continued to dilate. That was about as peaceful as it got for me...little did I know, that would be the end of peace as I knew it!!!

I slept for a couple of hours, drifting in and out of sleep while they kept doing those ridiculous cervical exams. Thank goodness I was drugged up, lol. My cervix began to dilate ever so slowly and eventually stopped, so they had to administer pitocin to speed up the process. In turn lowering the pain medication, so although I was still numb I could feel a few things...not so bad though.
A few hours later and I was ready to push. I had two nurses there including my doctor and my husband. My husband kept shoving ice chips in my mouth, i think that was his way of coping, and the nurses were holding my legs wide apart. I was told to push like I was taking a bowel movement, and I thought "great, i am going to shit on this bed. what did I eat last?". However, I was lucky enough not to blow my hole open or defecate on the bed. Although the nurse did say she wanted to see my anus spread like cauliflower...Was she nuts? or just trying to make me laugh? I don't know, cause I was too busy straining with each contraction.

Finally I could feel his head pushing through, It did most certainly feel pretty weird. It did feel like the biggest bowel movement I've ever had. I could feel his head poking through and that's when I tore and they cut me! Yikes!!! I didn't want that to happen but there I was getting clipped and having a baby pulled out of me. My doctor was great though, she was all business! I felt safer with her there. Then once they threw the bloody mess of a baby on my chest, I was overwhelmed with emotion.
I had waited so long to meet him, this was finally our moment. He was adorable and so WHITE! What happened to the melanin in his skin?? He was wide awake and just staring at me. It was pretty special. Harry was very overwhelmed too. He cut the cord and waited for the baby to be cleaned up so he could hold him. He was a great sport throughout the whole thing. You could tell he was proud to be a daddy, lol.
Then I lay spread eagle for them to stitch me, over and over again. Thank goodness I couldn't feel that either! I would have died, there was so much blood on her gloves...

I overdosed on pain meds that night, seeing as how I couldn't walk, sit or stand. Much less get my ass to the bathroom. They didn't give us a private room and I watched the misery and pain on my husband's face. He knew I needed him and he wanted to stay. How cruel could a hospital be, not letting the husband stay in the room, even if it is being shared?? That just isn't right! How could I possibly hold and feed my baby on my own. The nurses were no help, they took forever just to answer a call when I pressed that damn red button on the side of my bed. Where were the pain meds??!!!!

Finally on his way out, while I cried and felt overly exhausted, he found a greek nurse in the hall, who wanted to help a fellow greek. Thank god for patriotism!!! She got us a room after midnight free of charge. So he left and came back and we were moved. I was more than elated, although it didn't show on my face, the pain making me feel like i just had botox. I slept and they woke me up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, were they nuts!!! After all that I had been through, just kidding! I tried breast feeding, he ate for 5 min and slept. Thank the lord!!!

After that everything was a blur. We had visitors and I barely ate, seeing as how I was scared to have a bowel movement. It might hurt! We got discharged and I had no idea what I was doing. He ate and slept. Breast feeding was a nightmare and he shit and pissed through everything. How could I care for him if I could barely move. I needed Harry a lot and he was really great. I couldn't have done it on my own.

...Three weeks later and I am considerably better. My vag is still sore and I think I may have an anal fissure (which makes me cry every time, fuck!!!) and the baby has a very untimely eating schedule. I don't sleep and am dealing with a nightmare renovation. But all in all, I am a mom. To everyone's credit, no one said it would be easy and I didn't expect it to be. But HOLY SHIT!!! Did it have to be this hard???